A Guide to Finding Joy Again: Navigating the Holidays After Losing a Loved One

Last Updated on December 18, 2024 by Prissila Murillo

The holidays are the one time a year when loved ones are reminded of how special and precious times spent together are. But if you’ve lost someone, especially someone who made those holidays what they were, the season can feel more like a cruel joke. Everyone else is throwing parties, decking the halls, and acting like it’s the most wonderful time of the year—and you? You’re just trying to figure out how to get through it without falling apart. But we are here to tell you there are ways to find joy again.

The thing is, there’s no rule book for this. No one hands you a step-by-step guide on “doing” the holidays when grief has moved in and made itself at home. So, let’s talk about it like two friends figuring this out together. How do you get through this season? How do you survive the ache of missing someone who should be there but isn’t? And most importantly—how do you let a bit of joy sneak back in without feeling guilty or overwhelmed?

Finding Joy After Losing a Loved One

Acknowledge Your Grief

If you want to cry when you hear that one Christmas song they used to love, let the tears come. Grief doesn’t disappear because the calendar says it’s a “happy” time of year.

Some people try to stuff it down and act like it’s not there. But grief has a way of bubbling up whether you want it to or not. It’s better to just let yourself feel it. And hey, if talking about your person helps, do that too. Share a story about them. Say their name out loud. They mattered, and you don’t have to pretend otherwise.

If you’re worried about bringing people down, here’s a little secret: The people who care about you? They want to hear about your loved one. They want to be there for you. Give them the chance.

Start New Traditions While Honoring the Old

Old traditions can be tricky. Maybe your family always watched the same movie, cooked the same dish, or hung that one stocking by the fireplace. Now, those traditions might feel like they don’t fit anymore because someone important is missing. And that’s okay.

Here’s the thing: You don’t have to do things the same way. You can mix it up. Start something new. Keep what feels good and let go of what doesn’t. If you want to honor your loved one, try doing something meaningful in their memory:

• Light a candle for them. Something quiet and simple, just for you.
• Make their favorite food. It’s a small way to feel close to them.
• Create something special—a keepsake, a photo ornament, or even a scrapbook that captures who they were.
• Volunteer or give back. Do something kind in their name, and let that be part of your holiday.

You could even write them a letter. Tell them how much you miss them. Share what you wish they could see. It might feel strange at first, but it’s one of those small acts that can lighten the weight on your heart.

The point is, there are no rules. Old traditions, new ones—do what feels right for you.

Communicate Your Needs to Loved Ones

Something might make you squirm: You have to tell people what you need. I know, I know. It’s hard. Maybe you don’t even know what you need yourself—but you’ve got to try.

If big, noisy gatherings feel too overwhelming, say so. If you’d rather skip the holiday dinner and just hang out quietly at home, let people know. It doesn’t make you selfish. It doesn’t make you a downer. It just makes you human.

On the other hand, if being alone feels unbearable, let people know that, too. Sometimes, grief can make you want to isolate yourself, but being around people who love you can help pull you through. You don’t have to pretend you’re fine. Tell them what’s going on in your head and heart—they’ll show up for you, I promise.

Create a Space for Reflection

The holidays can feel like one big blur of lights, music, and chaos. When you’re grieving, that can be exhausting. Sometimes, you just need a little space to breathe.

Let yourself remember them. The sound of their laugh. The way they loved the holidays (or maybe hated them—because, let’s be real, some people do).

If you’re feeling up to it, visit their resting place or another spot that reminds you of them. Or write down some thoughts in a journal. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Just let the words flow. Reflecting on their life doesn’t mean they’re stuck in the past. It’s a way of holding onto them while still moving forward.

Embrace Self-Care and Compassion

Here’s a truth you need to hear: You’re allowed to take care of yourself. Grief is exhausting. It drains you in ways you didn’t even know were possible. And during the holidays, when everyone else seems to be operating at full speed, it’s easy to forget about yourself.

Don’t do that.

Rest when you need to. Eat food that makes you feel good. Move your body, even if it’s just a slow walk around the block. And please, for the love of all things merry, say no when you want to. You’re not obligated to attend every party or fulfill every holiday tradition.

You also don’t need to have it all together. Let yourself off the hook. If you find a moment of happiness—even a tiny one—don’t feel guilty. It’s not wrong to laugh or enjoy yourself, even when you’re grieving. Your loved one wouldn’t want you to spend the rest of your life in the dark.

Finding Comfort in Community

Grief can feel like you’re stranded on an island. Everyone else seems to be carrying on with life while you’re stuck in a fog. But you don’t have to do this alone. Whether it’s friends, family, or even strangers who get it, lean on people. There are groups out there—online, in person, wherever—filled with people who understand what you’re going through. Websites like Memorials.com even offer tools, keepsakes, and resources to help you honor your loved one and find ways to keep their memory alive. Sometimes, just knowing you’re not alone can make all the difference. Talk to people. Share stories. Let yourself feel connected. Grief might be lonely, but you don’t have to be.

Rediscovering Moments of Joy

Joy is a weird thing when you’re grieving. It feels like something you’re not supposed to have like you’re betraying your loved one by smiling or laughing. But you know what? That’s not true.

Joy doesn’t erase grief. You can miss someone and still find little pockets of happiness. You can feel sad and still laugh at a ridiculous movie. You can love someone who’s gone and still make new memories.

Start small. Notice the little things: a warm blanket, a favorite song, the way snow looks under the streetlights. Let those moments in, even if they feel fleeting. And remember, it’s not about “moving on”—it’s about carrying their memory with you while you keep living.

They would want that for you. They really would.

Conclusion: A Season of Gentle Hope

You don’t have to “get over it” or force yourself to be happy. Just be where you are. Let yourself grieve. Let yourself remember. And when joy sneaks in—even in the smallest way—let yourself feel that too. Your loved one will always be part of your life. Their memory is yours to keep, in every candle you light, every story you tell, and every quiet moment you take for yourself.