Why Do Men Keep a ‘Backup Girlfriend’ in 2025? Eye-Opening Lessons Women Can Confidently Embrace

Last Updated on April 3, 2025

Let’s be honest: if you’ve ever wondered whether you were his backup girlfriend, there’s a good chance… You, were their backup plan.

In today’s dating culture, but won’t let go of either. Sound familiar? Yeah. We’ve all been her. Or been played by her.

So why do men keep a backup girlfriend in the wings? And more importantly, what can women learn from this dating disaster? Time to spill the tea.

What Is a Backup Girlfriend?

A backup girlfriend is exactly what it sounds like: a woman who’s not the main event, but is always close enough to be next in line.

She’s not the current partner he introduces to his family. She’s not the relationship status in his Instagram posts. But she is the one he texts late at night when he’s lonely, bored, or low on attention in their committed relationship. She’s the ego boost. The safety net. The emotional support system that’s constantly hoping he’ll finally choose her as their romantic partner.

Spoiler: he won’t.

According to a 2014 study published in Computers in Human Behavior, men are over twice as likely as women to maintain contact with a potential romantic backup, usually under the illusion of “friendship.” In other words, the backup girlfriend position is more strategic than romantic. And men? They know exactly what they’re doing.

Why Men Keep a Backup Girlfriend (Even When They’re in Love With Someone Else)

Let’s call it what it is: emotional insurance.

Here’s why men keep a backup girlfriend on deck:

• They fear being alone. A back-up partner ensures they’re never emotionally stranded.
• They crave validation. Having multiple female friends lowkey in love with them makes them feel desirable and in control.
• They’re not that into their current relationship. A backup girlfriend is often a red flag that he’s not fully invested. They are definitely not in a healthy relationship or a monogamous relationship.
• They want options. Plain and simple — some guys keep a lineup of casual relationships.

And before you say “not all men” — sure. But enough do it that we need to talk about it.

Celeb Examples That Scream “Backup Girlfriend Energy”

Need proof this dynamic exists at every level? Look no further than your favorite celebrities.

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez? Classic example. Their on-again, off-again saga was years of confusion, emotion, and backup girlfriend energy. Between other romantic relationships, Justin always circled back to Selena — until he locked things down with Hailey Bieber.

During that transition? Selena was still very much in the picture. Emotional leftovers, anyone?

Let’s not forget Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth, either. Their decades-long rollercoaster ended in heartbreak and an iconic self-love anthem (“Flowers,” anyone?), but in between the drama, you could practically feel the backup girlfriend tension. They were never on the same page, but always on each other’s radar.

How to Know If You Are the Backup Girlfriend

Okay, here’s the checklist. If you relate to more than one… it might be time for a wake-up call.

• The character interaction only happens when he’s feeling down, bored, or between broken relationships.
• He flirts with you consistently but avoids any real commitment, due to fear of regrettable choices.
• You’ve never met his inner circle of friends, you don’t have mutual friends, and you’re not exactly sure where you stand.
• He gives you just enough to keep you hopeful that one day you can be the primary relationship… but never enough to move forward.
• You feel like you’re always on hold, emotionally and literally. You are the Plan B

If it feels like you’re constantly waiting for him to “figure things out,” you might be the backup girlfriend, not the primary relationship.

What You Can Learn (Before Wasting Any More Time)

Here’s the empowering part: just because someone cast you as the backup girlfriend doesn’t mean you have to keep playing the part.

1. You don’t need to audition for love. If he’s not choosing you fully to be head over heels for you, he’s not choosing you at all.

2. If he’s always confused, believe him. Men are never too busy or unsure when they truly want something. “Not ready” is code for “not ready for you.”

3. Reclaim your energy. Every second you spend as a back-up partner is energy you could be spending on someone who shows up, the perfect choice.

4. Trust the pattern, not the potential. If he only calls when he’s lonely or bored, it’s not love. It’s the convenience of a c.

5. Walk away with your head high. Leaving the backup girlfriend role isn’t an L — it’s a win. For your time, your peace, and your dignity.

Let’s Flip the Script

@thedaddyacademy Don’t lower your value ☝🏼 #datingadvice ♬ original sound – Niko | The Daddy Academy

The truth is, we live in a culture that glamorizes the “cool girl” — the one who waits, who doesn’t pressure, who’s always available.

But being a backup girlfriend is not romantic. It’s exhausting, and it’s a bad choice. It’s soul-crushing. And it’s not your job to wait around until he’s finally ready.

Love doesn’t live in the gray zone. If he wanted to be with you, he already would be.

So stop waiting for the guy who keeps you in his DMs but not in his life, and be an intelligent woman who knows her self-worth. The guy who talks big but never follows through. The guy who treats you like an option.

You are not an option. You are the prize.

Final Word: No More Backup Energy

If you’ve ever been the backup girlfriend or the Plan B, know this — it says nothing about your worth. It says everything about his inability to show up.

But now? You know better.

And next time a man tries to treat you like a “just in case,” you’ll treat him like a “hell no.”

Because you’re not Plan B. You’re the whole damn plan.