Last Updated on January 14, 2025 by Kristi Kuhn
You’re at a crossroads. You can’t stop thinking about having sex with your best friend. The idea is exciting but also nerve-wracking, and you’ve tried to suppress the thought, yet it keeps creeping up. Navigating the complexities of sex with best friend dynamics isn’t easy, but understanding the potential outcomes can help you make the right decision.
You’re torn. Can you go all the way with your best friend and keep it casual, or will every moment you spend together afterward feel awkward and potentially ruin your friendship?
Before you end up between the sheets with your bestie, here’s what you need to know.
Pros and Cons of Having Sex With Best Friend
Starting a sexual relationship with your best friend is a double-edged sword. While it could potentially lead to something good, there are significant downsides (just search for “I had sex with my best friend” on Reddit, and you’ll find some shocking stories).
With that in mind, here are the pros and cons you should consider before sleeping with your best friend.
Pros
Comfort and Trust Are Already Established
Sex often comes with feelings of performance anxiety. However, sex with best friend can feel less intimidating because you already share a strong foundation of trust and comfort.
You also might not need to guess what turns your best friend on—it might have come up naturally during your random conversations.
Open Communication Is Likely Easier
Open communication is critical for good sex. With your best friend, you already have a strong foundation of familiarity, making it easier to talk openly about likes and dislikes during sex.
You may even feel comfortable sharing your biggest sexual fantasies without cringing or feeling judged.
Potential to Explore Intimacy in a Safe Environment
Having sex with a stranger might feel exciting but comes with risks. However, sex with best friend allows you to explore intimacy in a trusted environment without worrying about safety concerns like coercion or physical harm.
Cons
Risk of Ruining the Friendship
What starts as fun and games can get complicated quickly, especially when the dreaded “What are we?” question arises. If you haven’t discussed expectations beforehand, it could jeopardize your friendship.
Complicated Feelings or Jealousy May Arise
Sleeping with your best friend can lead to stronger feelings. Even if you tell yourself you won’t develop emotions, your heart might have other plans.
Jealousy, possessiveness, or insecurity might creep in—especially if your best friend starts dating someone else.
Challenges in Setting and Maintaining Boundaries
How much time should you spend together? Can you flirt? Are sleepovers allowed? If you start having sex with your best friend, you’ll need to set boundaries, which can be tricky if you didn’t have any before.
Tips for Keeping It Casual
Having sex with best friend doesn’t have to jeopardize your relationship, but it will almost certainly change the dynamic. If you’re comfortable with this, here are some tips to help keep things casual:
Communicate Clearly
Before diving in, have an open conversation about your intentions and expectations. Honesty is essential to minimize the risk of ruining your relationship.
If you’re not transparent about your feelings and your best friend discovers the truth later, it could fracture your bond.
Set Boundaries
While setting boundaries might feel awkward, they’re crucial for maintaining both the friendship and the sexual relationship.
Decide together on rules like whether sleepovers are allowed or if public displays of affection are okay. Avoid involving mutual friends in these discussions to keep things uncomplicated.
Manage Expectations
What happens if one of you develops deeper feelings? It’s best to address this possibility upfront to avoid unmet expectations. For example, you might agree to stop hooking up if one of you wants a committed relationship.
When and (How) to Take It to the Next Level
Casual sex isn’t for everyone. If sex with best friend has you considering the possibility of a romantic relationship, here’s what to keep in mind:
Signs It’s More Than Casual
- You’re Spending More Time Together Outside of Hookups
If you feel like something is missing when you’re apart and spend most of your time together, you might want more than just a casual relationship. - Jealousy Starts Creeping In
Do you feel upset when your best friend dates someone else? If so, it might be a sign you want more. - Genuine Romantic Feelings Emerge
If you can’t stop thinking about your best friend and picture a future together, you’re likely romantically attracted to them.
Navigating the Transition
Discuss Openly If Both Parties Want More
Have a heart-to-heart conversation about exploring a romantic relationship. It might feel daunting, but it’s better than risking unreciprocated feelings.
Address Concerns About Changing Dynamics
Romantic involvement will change your friendship. Discuss these changes openly to avoid misunderstandings.
Plan for Potential Fallout
Not all relationships last forever. If sex with best friend transitions into a romantic relationship, discuss how you’ll handle things if it doesn’t work out to protect your friendship and set clear expectations.
How to Handle Emotional Complications
What to Do If Feelings Develop on One Side
Unrequited love hurts. Be honest about your feelings and decide together whether the relationship should continue in its current form.
What to Do If It Becomes Too Complicated
If things get messy, take a break from the physical side of the relationship. This time apart can help you reassess the friendship and its future.
Where Do You Go From Here?
Sleeping with your best friend doesn’t have to spell the end of your friendship. Open communication about your intentions and expectations can help maintain both the sexual relationship and the friendship—or even pave the way for a romantic relationship.
However, if things don’t work out, you might have to walk away. Navigating the aftermath of sex with best friend dynamics can be challenging, but sometimes it’s the only way to preserve your emotional well-being.
Struggling to move on after an intimate relationship? Check out our guide on how to move on and stop thinking about someone.
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Is it OK to sleep with best friend?
It depends on your relationship and mutual understanding. Clear communication, setting boundaries, and managing expectations are key to ensuring it doesn’t harm your friendship.
Is sex good in a friendship?
Sex in a friendship can be good if both people communicate openly, set clear boundaries, and share mutual understanding. However, it can also complicate emotions and dynamics, so it’s important to proceed thoughtfully.
Can you be platonic friends with someone you slept with?
Yes, it’s possible to remain platonic friends after sleeping together, but it requires clear communication, mutual respect, and the ability to set and maintain boundaries to avoid complications.
