Endings are usually complicated. Sometimes you have the energy to end a toxic relationship on your own, and sometimes the toxic person ends your relationship for you. The real question is how to stop thinking about someone and forgo the associated sinking feelings of hurt or longing.
In an ideal world, having a toxic someone leave first means you get to avoid confrontation. However, that doesn’t mean that you’re getting away scot-free with no emotional ebb and flows – only that your perspective on the end is different. Thinking about someone you once knew is not necessarily something you can control, but you can redirect the energy spent on them towards something more useful that adds to your personal growth.
1. Take them off social media
Social media is ingrained in all that you do. Whether it’s for professional use or personal, it’s easier than ever to see posts from people you don’t want to.
Relationships are great to showcase on social media, but when it’s time to forget, a social media detox is best. Some people choose to make a statement. Others prefer to just withdraw and remove any evidence of the person they are trying to forget. The most important thing is to remember your mental health and what is best for you to move on and heal.
2. Enjoy a hobby
Often, it’s best to throw yourself into something new and stay busy. If you enjoy group activities, then rally your friends for group outings. If going solo is more your thing, then go for that. Hobbies are a great way to be present and to do something that’s actually fun. Often times when we spend a lot of time with people, once-loved hobbies get replaced with quality time with a new person. Take advantage of the open space you’ve created for yourself and have fun.
3. Go out with friends
No man or woman is an island. Friends make forgetting someone just a bit easier, and they probably make it more fun too. It’s a common trap everyone falls into when they spend a lot of time with someone, which is ignoring a large chunk of your friends. Time is finite, so it’s no surprise choices are made between people. Now is the perfect time to rebuild relationships and get back out there.
4. Throw an ending party
Oh, the epic ending party. These parties can be called divorce parties, break up parties, new lease-on-life parties, etc. – they are really just public battle cries to show the world you are ready to be back in society and have fun. These parties are especially fun when you theme them, maybe even having a little bonfire to throw out-memorabilia that reminds you of the person you are trying to forget. Think of this party as an ode to Vikings as you burn and pillage your living space so that you no longer want of anything.
5. Learn a new skill
Learning a new skill can be beneficial in many ways. First off, it can expose you to a whole new group of people that are in the same learning boat as you, which already sets the precedent for a bond. Second, it’s an opportunity to grow as a person and illuminate parts of yourself you didn’t realize that were hiding within you. There is a plethora of skills out there that you can learn, which is exciting even if you have no clue what to do. Maybe you’ll pick something that you’ve always wanted to do. You can also put random things in a hat and let fate decide what you’re going to learn. Regardless of how it happens, it’s a sure-fire way to help you stop thinking about certain people because of how present you will be in this new experience.
What could be better than a change of scenery after a split from someone you want to forget? Travel can be a European getaway or a staycation, but either way it’s a great way to disconnect and see there’s more the world has beyond your little bubble of daily life. Traveling can also be a goal that you want to hit by saving money. You can use this as an opportunity to stay focused or maybe go somewhere the person you’re trying to forget never wanted to go.
7. Move your body
Exercise and hitting new physical goals can be rewarding for your mind, body, and spirit. Moving toxicity out of your body is a way to ground physically and feel better. Moving your body can also come in a variety of ways, from yoga to rock climbing or really whatever else you want to do. If you’ve always wanted to try something and the person that you’re trying to forget never wanted to do it, now is the time to do as you please!
8. Look forward and plan new things
Often times the hardest part of moving on is scrapping the plans you and the person made before you parted. If you’re a paper and pencil kind of person, then a lot of future dates you had with this person may be written down. Fear not; it’s not set in stone! Take the time to plan something for yourself or with your friends. It can be a trip, a night out, or really whatever you want. The point is to have something to look forward to and see that there is more to life than the person you were with.
The odd thing about being split from someone is that for such an intense period of time they are immersed in everything that you do. On the flip side, that’s also why this new time should be treated with awe and wonder. Yes, there are moments that are hard, but the reality is you keep moving forward.
Thoughts are clouds that we can either allow to pass us by or engage us in their misty state. Mediation is a great way of bringing clarity back in the picture. It can come in variety of ways. Meditation doesn’t necessarily mean you sit in a dark room with chants playing in the background, but it can depending on your personality. Regardless, daily meditation is a great form of self-care that can allow you to sink deeper into important thoughts while filtering others out. Therapy can also be included in this treatment and could prove to be beneficial in helping you to stop thinking about someone. Whatever you decide, do it with mindfulness, and you will see how much less you engage in thoughts about the person you are trying to forget.
10. Indulge (responsibly)
Ultimately, you may try to do the self-help and Eat, Pray, Love route. Sometimes, however, you just have to indulge your ego. A little indulgence can be fun and can momentarily allow you to stop thinking about someone. Of course, safety is always a priority. However, letting loose and indulging in things that you’ve always wanted like a makeover or some designer bag can prove to be beneficial. There are no rules when it comes to indulging. It’s really just supposed to be a fun (and safe) way to release.
Thinking about someone is not something you can really control, but there are things you can do to alleviate the symptoms. And while there are no set rules for how to stop thinking about someone, forgetting them is really besides the point. Most importantly, remember that you can enjoy your best life with or without them.
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